When I heard the news on that tragic Saturday night my blood went cold and I was in disbelief.
People dead. LGBT people dead. Shot. Killed. Murdered. Attacked. Injured. Terrorist. Hate Crime. Gays.
The number of fatalities unknown but rising.
In the end - 49 dead in total.
It could have been us.
My husband and I were silent. We did not talk about this massacre until days later. We just sat in disbelief and watched the story unravel. Somber. Lifeless. We are very active within our LGBT community. We are at the bars and establishments. We attend the galas, the rallies and events where hundreds like us gather.
It could have been us.
Reality set in when I started hearing the names and seeing the faces of my brothers and sisters who’s night was abruptly ended with a bullet. Did they hear the loud pops thinking it was the music?
Did they know that in a single moment their lives would forever change? One victim was a mother dancing the night away with her son. I wish my mother would have danced with me in a club. She could have once in her life, but that never happened.
It could have been us.
Monday after the horrific event I called my family. I just needed to hear a comforting voice from thousands of miles away. A phone hug, a shoulder to cry on. We made our basic salutations and I waited to see if they had a point of view on the crisis. Nothing. No mention. No inquiry as to how my husband and I were feeling or how this affected us. They watch the news. Constantly. They could not have missed this. Ignored maybe, but not missed!
Life must be better when you wear rose colored glasses and you live in a glass house.
It could have been us.
I was just about to start the dialogue of the incident with them when I choked up. I couldn’t speak. My mind went blank and my throat went dry. I had given up because I knew what I had to say would not matter to them. They will never change. Life inside their box is safe. They are safe from the outside world and news such as Orlando does not concern them. My husband is right, I expect too much from others and I set myself up for disappointment. Will they ever know just how much their ignorance hurts?
It could have been us.
I am angry. I am sad. I am numb. The real tragedy is that we can’t identify this cowardly act of violence in a singular category. It is more than a HATE crime. It is more than a LGBT issue. It is more than an act of RELIGIOUS rebellion. It is more than debates on GUN CONTROL.
It is an issue of HUMANITY.
It could have been us.
Jim McCoy is Events Manager for MGM Resorts International and the daytime incarnation of Norma Llyaman, the Bearded Lady of Las Vegas.
