New Year’s resolutions. Almost everybody makes them but very few see them through. As we approach a new year the idea of a new beginning, a fresh start, or a positive change in our lives is very appealing. We have this idea that we can be a new and improved version of ourselves – eating better, exercising, etc. That lasts about 2 weeks and then we go back to “normal”.
Maybe our thinking is wrong. Do you really need a “new” you? I propose that we go to the older version of ourselves. And when I say “older version” I’m talking about going way back. To our childhood selves. We saw the world differently. I had friends of all nationalities and races. It didn’t matter. I didn’t even realize it at the time. Then as we grew up, something happened and we changed. We became more cynical. We started to classify people (often unconsciously). And, we do it in our own community! Our very name, LGBTQ+, creates separation one from another. Just this week I spoke with someone who said, “Oh yeah, if you went to a gay man’s support group and admitted you were bisexual you wouldn’t be welcome.” Disheartening because I’m at a place where acceptance in the LGBT community is important and vital to me. It is the interactions like this that keep me “anonymous” (for the most part). The rejection would be hard. I admit it, I LIKE my label – Bisexual! It’s an identity and a core part of my being that I only stopped trying to change, stopped judging and stopped running from a few years ago. I always knew I was but I never accepted or embraced it. So I get the importance of our identities. But how beautiful would it be if all of those labels – straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual – all went away because we all just realized that we are all sexual? If we all accepted that sexuality can be expressed in many different but equally valid ways?
My acceptance of myself has opened the door wide open to allow me to accept others (a side effect that I never considered would happen). The freedom I feel defies explanation. No longer shackled with self-judgment, I no longer find myself judging others. In a very real way I’ve found that innocence that I had as a child. Black, white, Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, atheist, straight, gay – I’m sure that I had friends in every category but those categories never even entered my thinking. I find that to be my thinking again as an adult.
2017 is here. Do you want to eat better? Then do it. Do you want to exercise to look and feel better? Go for it. But do yourself a favor. Be you. Be the “first you” when you looked at the world through eyes of wonder as a child. When you embraced your friends because of who they were on the inside, not external, superficial characteristics. Start with our community. Do you really embrace EVERYBODY in it? Or do you question and judge those who are different than you? Make new friends. Open up. Talk to whatever “letter” you are not. We are not all that different from one another. We can make it easier for those who are struggling with self-identity and self-judgment to come out. The first place they would probably do it is within the LGBT community. If they come out to me, they will find complete and unconditional love and acceptance. Can we all say that today? If not, let’s make THAT our goal in 2017.
Sincerely Yours,
Anonymous
As always, feel free to email me at coolwithbeingbi@gmail.com
